Moments that take our breath away..

There are some moments in life that tend to have an impact on us for a long time and sometimes forever. When we remember these moments it is hard to believe that they can still, sometimes years later have the power to take our breath away. From all of the firsts to all of the lasts. Take yourself back to a day when you felt the most raw emotions you have ever felt. Is it Love? Is it Regret? Is it Fear? Is it Joy? Is it Sorrow? Is it Emptiness? Is it Peace? Is it Happiness? or Is it Loneliness? We have all had most of these feelings at some point or another, then why is it so hard to relate with people going through a feeling you are not experiencing? Compassion is a word that I am still trying to define for myself, but for those of you who have given me compassion.. Thank You. It has pulled me through to realize there are still good moments to compensate for all of the bad moments I have had this far in my life.

"Life isn't measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away." -Anonymous

Changing

There are many ways I have changed as my life has taken different courses. Many events that have changed my beliefs and even my values. I have been down many roads that have changed who I am. Sometimes it is for the better and sometimes not. I am becoming a different person than I ever was before. I am more aware of the hurt and pain that this life can bring to so many of us. As well as overwhelming joy and happiness that can be felt within a day or so of having one of the worst days ever.

Birth, death, trials, lost friendships and broken bridges with family have all impacted me tremendously. I wish I could stop reliving the past and live for each day a little more. Then at least I could worry about just what the day at hand was bringing me and not everything else that I can no longer control.

Humans tend to look at the negative aspect in most situations and not the positive. To relive past wrongs done to us, and to not move on. I am determined to become positive about my life and my circumstances, and to deal with only the things that I can control. I know there is a strong woman inside of me, sometimes she just has to fight her way back out. Depression is a hard battle to be fought, and I am doing my best every day to stay focused on working through the darkness and getting back into the light.

Rememberance Tattoo

Today I am going to get the first part of my tattoos symbolizing the birth and death of my daughters. Halle Grace-Marie (3-25-05 to 5-27-05) and Emma Faith-Noelle (12-20-05 to 1-11-06). I will be getting their names one on each foot and a butterfly on the top of each foot as well. I have wanted to do this for some time now, but I finally have the perfect sketch of the butterfly that I had envisioned.

I am not a huge fan of tattooing my body, but the impact my daughters have left a permanent mark on my heart and I want something that represents them to be visible to other people as well. I love them as if they were still here, and I miss them every moment of every day. The emptiness can never be filled but remembering and sharing my story about them helps. I feel that my tattoos will open that door for people to ask, because they are my daughters alive or not.

A New Day

There are days that come and go without any dramatic events. Some days on the other hand will remain in our memories forever. I am beginning this blog to document some of the days that I will never forget. To give people a glimpse inside of my heart through the good days and the bad days. And to remind myself that each morning is the beginning of a new day.